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A quiz for our Three Musketeer friends - The Galveston County Daily News : Guest Columns

November 27, 2014

A quiz for our Three Musketeer friends

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Posted: Sunday, July 13, 2014 12:15 am

I read a recent Three Musketeers’ column about the Fair Tax (“The Fair Tax is the way to go,” March 17, The Daily News) and how if only the Koch brothers and Dick Cheney paid the same income and sales tax on their Big Macs as I pay, our nation’s fiscal woes would soon be over. 

The “Obama deficit,” 95 percent of which happened before his pictures went up, of course, would evaporate.

Then I remembered the columns with patriotic lessons on Pearl Harbor — the malevolent Fed, the education conspiracy, etc. 

I decided enough of all this New Right government-hate and freedom-love — this stuff needs to be seriously challenged.

So, here’s a checklist for a group that seems to be isolating itself more everyday from the modern American mainstream — Texas Republicans and all their recent New Right followers:

• If you can’t name one candidate you supported from 1998 to 2008 who lost, yet in 2007 started inventing new political parties and whining about how the system had broken and abandoned the Constitution and all your lofty ideals — you may be a tea partyer. 

• If you joined the 94 percent that unified behind the president when our biggest city got blown apart, but now accuse the president of conspiracy when four diplomats extend themselves in an African desert — you may be a Texas Republican. I suspect you actually hate President Barack Obama way more than you love America, harsh though that sounds.

• If you were a Vietnam dodger in the ’70s like every one of your radio-blab heroes, but still defend Cheney’s phony WMD hunt and torture and Chicom assault weapons all across our streets and malls — you may be an National Rifle Association member.

• If you swallowed every nuthead conspiracy fairy tale FOX News looped hourly — Swiftboat, birtherism, Climategate, Muslim Obama, Hillary did Benghazi — years after they’d failed to produce one iota of evidence, you may be a straight-ticket Republican.

• If you think the richest country on Earth suddenly went bust because we gave teenagers condoms, preschoolers food stamps and low-income folks medical help; if you thought it had nothing to do with worshipping a military bigger than the next 18 on Earth, occupying and “rebuilding,” right after destroying desert postholes for decades; if you think it had nothing to do with letting Wall Street slimebags steal billions, then having to bail them out and letting Mitt Romney’s job-exporting billionaire buds pay 13 percent or no income tax — you may be a Christian conservative.

Texas Republicanism now somehow involves teaching kids religious folklore instead of accepted biology in schools, forcing medical procedures on teens and encouraging every goober-head at the mall to pack heat. You wonder why your ideology is losing out and your few good ideas never seem to get done by the most do-nothing Congress in our history, which you re-elect term after term.

History’s never worked the way the Musketeers and Gov. Rick Perry sermonize about, folks. Like their science, civics and Bible “knowledge,” it’s all cherry-picked to find tiny bits supporting their steroid-strong beliefs. Nothing wrong with strong beliefs, but the New Rights have become so inflexible and outdated they now override actual events, dates and modern science.